There is a lot of rubbish on TV nowadays. It’s inevitable, frankly. As the number of channels spirals rapidly, programme makers have to find something to fill the hours with. That’s why there are so many repeats on TV. They are cheap, they are (sometimes) popular and it only needs a bloke to press “play” on the machine to make them. But that’s not entirely fair, of course. There’s a lot of brand new, unique, original programming out there too. With literally thousands of hours of the TV schedules to fill, producers are chomping at the bit to find new and exciting programmes with which to fill them. And that’s why the vast majority of brand new, unique, original programming that is gracing the airwaves of the myriad of satellite and cable channels nowadays is, to be blunt, crap.
Ok, so there is some new, interesting, original and innovative stuff out there. But mostly there isn’t. And most of the crap stuff finds its way on to ITV2 - let's be honest. I mean, how on earth would 2006 dire dating show “Test drive my Girlfriend” (with even more dire-er presenter Paul Danan) have ever seen the light of day if it hadn’t been for the desperate need to fill the new channels’ hours??? A cursory glance at the schedules for ITV2 lists “Celebrity Juice” (a pathetically lame attempt to do a “Never Mind the Buzzcocks” for celebrity gossip), “Britain’s got more talent” (no it hasn't, it's just crap that wasn't good enough for the main show on ITV1), “The Planet’s Funniest Animals” (I mean, really, the poor saps who write links for this crap must be suicidal at the banality of it all) and reality shows featuring Peter Andre (who?) picking his nose and Kerry Katona (again, who?) crying.
It reminds me of a scene from the brilliant second series of “Alan Partridge” on BBC2 back in 1997. Alan is having lunch with the Chief Commissioning Editor of BBC television, hoping to get another series of his chat show. When he’s told there won’t be one, he pulls out a file with a list of hopelss program ideas in a desperate attempt to keep in at the Beeb. I am convinced that ITV2 would fall over itself to commission every one of his ideas now, including “Arm wrestling with Chas and Dave”, “Inner City Sumo” and “Monkey Tennis.”
Ok, so what’s my point? Is it that standards on British television have slumped in recent years? Well, partly. But what I really want to say is that crap TV isn’t uniquely British. Living in Spain, as I do, I have been witness to some truly awful programmes on Spanish TV, some that would even make Keith Chegwin’s nude quiz show from 2000 “Naked Jungle” look like “University Challenge”. That’s not to say that all Spanish TV is crap. It’s not. There’s some very good shows (more of that another time). The fact is that they make crap TV wherever you go, but there are shades of grey and what constitutes crap in one country might be seen as far more erudite and fascinating in another. Spanish TV is a fascinating mish-mash of oddities. Just one of the things I’ll be writing about are some of the more bizarre shows that grace the airwaves of the Iberian peninsula. So the next time you’re sitting there flicking through the channels, despairing at the fact that you can’t find anything intelligent or interesting to watch, spare a thought for TV viewers in Spain. However bad, dumb, mindless, trivial or just downright pointless you think some British TV programmes can be, the bar is often even lower over here.
