Save Me…… from turning into a clown from a TV sketch show

There was a comedy show on British TV about 15 years ago called “The Fast Show”. It consisted of a series of sketches featuring the same characters all cut together quickly – hence the name – which was very popular in the UK at the time.

One of the fictitious characters featured was a Columbian footballer called “Julio Geordio” who played for Premiership team Newcastle Utd.

The sketch consisted of him being interviewed on TV after a match, where he would start out talking English in a strong Columbian accent before slipping into an equally strong Newcastle accent – known as “Geordie” - towards the end of every sentence. The joke doesn´t translate well in words - you have to see it to understand it (find it on Youtube) - but the point it was making was this foreign footballer seemed to be integrating well into local society by the way he automatically slipped into “Geordie” all the time - hence his joke name.

So what on earth has this got to do with me? Well, let me explain.

Here in Andalucia, people have quite a strong regional accent. In fact, the more south west you go in the region, the stronger the accent. The Seville accent is strong, the Jerez accent stronger, the Cadiz accent even stronger and, frankly, when you head off into the rural areas in between, it’s positively indecipherable at times. Very much like Geordie in fact.

I love the accent. But it is a target for good-natured ridicule and jokes among the rest of the Spanish population who see it as a sort-of stereotypical, uneducated, slightly backward, working class accent, in much the same way the Brits take the piss out of the Geordie accent, and, truth be told, the Birmingham and West Country accent as well.

One of Andalucia’s most famous sons is Hollywood actor Antonio Banderas, who originally comes from Malaga. It’s interesting to note that when he’s being interviewed on local TV, he tends to speak in his normal, strong, regional Malaga accent. But when he speaks on national TV or in films, he often adopts a more neutral, clearer Castillan accent – the equivalent of the English accent from south east England. It’s like someone from South Shields talking with a Kent accent!

While not wishing to go into complex phonetical explanations, it is, nevertheless, important to give you an idea of the Andaluz accent.

For a start, the letter “s” is not a big thing among local speakers. They don’t care for it much and leave it out of pretty much every word, unless it begins with an “s”, in which case they grudgingly pronounce it. Most of the time, that is. Unless you go to Jerez, where they really hate it.

For example, the phrase “lo mismo” which means “the same”, becomes “lo mi’mo”. The word “si” which everyone knows means “yes”, incredibly becomes “thi”, as does the number “seis” (“six”) which comes out as “thai”! This is particularly impressive as it achieves a double whammy against the letter “s” in one tiny four-letter word.

The phrase “Soy de Madrid” which means “I come from Madrid” disappears into a lost sea of consonants and vowels in Cadiz where it’s often pronounced “Thoy de Kai’”!

The letter “s”, a whole range of consonants, a load of syllables and most of the prepositions are just swallowed up in the Andaluz accent, never to be uttered. It’s fantastic.

But let’s be fair here. While some may ridicule it and accuse the Andaluzes of mangling words beyond all recognition, you could conceivably argue that they are, in fact, being incredibly efficient with the language. I mean, why spend time saying a lengthy exclamation like “Oh Jesus” (Spaniards pronounce the “j as though it were an “h”) when you can save at least half a second just saying “O-thoo” instead, as they do in Jerez. Now, add up all those extra seconds over the period of a year and just think how much time that leaves them for doing everything else. That’s why they always have so much time to spend at the beach. That, and the fact that there are bugger-all jobs in Andalucia as well, of course.

So, to get back to my original point; what has all this got to do with “Julio Geordio”? Well, while I don’t speak Spanish fluently, I get by reasonably well enough. The problem is that I sometimes find myself automatically sliding into Andaluz pronunciation, dropping s´s, leaving out the ends of words and generally mumbling a lot. I do it without thinking to be honest, because when it’s what you hear from everybody every day it sort of becomes second nature when you speak it.

But I know I have to be careful, because some people might think I’m taking the piss by mimicking the accent. But I’m really not. Honestly. Far from it. I’m actually, subconsciously, probably just trying to fit in. Mimicry is the sincerest form of flattery, after all.

Trouble is, maybe I am just turning into “Julio Geordie” and don’t even know it. Maybe what I really am is a cartoon character, a clown who, rather than trying to sound genuine and sincere, just ends up sounding like a complete idiot when he talks Spanish.

Or maybe I shouldn’t worry so much and just dive straight in. Ich bein ein Andaluz!