Save Me…… from the enduring predictability of pointless English optimism

 Living in Spain, it’s often interesting to see things in the UK from a different perspective. And often that perspective is quite eye-opening.

Take football for example. On Sunday, the 2012 European football championships come to a head when Spain meet Italy in the final. And it´s not hard to notice that neither of those teams are England.

The French – they’re not in the final either - have an expression for it. Deja vu. But when it comes to football, it´s a very English phenomenon.

As if England were ever was going to be in the final though. Really. Come on. This is England we´re talking about. A team forever lauded by the English press, a team which, every tournament, is the one that can finally do it, and a team which, every tournament, is the one that doesn´t.

It´s the same old story played out again and again and again. And the funniest part about it is the English press and public. After all these years, after countless attempts, dozens of false dawns and myriads of dejected autopsies and blame hurling, the message still doesn´t seem to have hit home.

England aren´t very good.

But here in Spain, we already know that. Everyone knows that. Here, the championships have been met with huge amounts of interest. Not least because Spain are the current World and European champions. When Spain have been playing these past couple of weeks, the streets have been empty as everyone gathers round the TV screens at home or in bars and cafes to watch, cheer, groan and clap.

It’s certainly been a strange experience to be outside here in Seville on those evenings. The streets may be deserted but the surrounding buildings almost seem to sway in some sort of harmonised echo chamber as near-misses, thumping goals, sliding tackles and final whistles are met with a synchronized audible roar escaping through open doorways and windows across the entire city.  

Spain have had their ups and downs since becoming world champions in 2010. But if you asked a Spaniard at the start of this tournament who they thought would win, England wouldn’t even have entered the conversation. No-one, apart from the English, thinks the England football team is any good.

Just because they invented the game, just because they have what is considered to be the biggest and most expensive club league in the world, doesn´t mean the international team is therefore going to be one of the best. And it hasn´t been for many years. Well, 46 to be exact.

When Spain play nowadays, people expect them to do well. And more often than not they do; they’re in the final for the second consecutive time. The Spanish players pass the ball between themselves like some giant pinball machine. When England play, they boot the ball up the field and rush after it, just like me and my mates used to do on the green behind our housing estate when we were 11. We didn’t win anything either.

But what amazes me is that when England play, the English press and public expect them to do well. And more often than not, they don´t. This time it was the Italians who undid them. And how? Through penalties, yet again. And the only reason England end a lot of their matches with penalties is because they are just not adventurous enough.  

Let me explain what I mean. I’ve never been much of a football fan. I was brought up with rugby. For me, football is 90 minutes of nothing much happening, of a white ball pinging back and forth, up and down the pitch, with the outcome often being 0-0. As if that’s bad enough, when you get a score like that, you are then subjected to another 30 minutes of exactly the same. I can’t ever remember a rugby match ending without a point being scored.

But my point isn’t that rugby is better than football. It is. But that’s not what’s important here. What’s important is this. Since coming to Spain, I’ve been more inclined to watch football matches, especially when Spain play. And it’s not just because Spain happen to be quite successful at the moment – after all, everyone likes to see a team win – but it’s more to do with the fact that the Spanish team play an exciting game. Spain hadn’t been very successful for years up to 2008 when they finally became European champions again after more than four decades. But they always played a more exciting game.

I hate to say it. But England are just boring. Unadventurous and boring. And maybe that’s why they are the perennial under-achievers. Maybe that’s why I found football boring. Because I grew up watching it in England.

The English press have been busy pointing the finger of blame at everyone since England were booted out in the quarter finals at the start of the week. But what good will it do them?

I mention rugby for a good reason. I have always supported Wales, as my dad is Welsh. But for years and years the team was rubbish. But then they started to change the way they played. They started to adopt the methods, tactics and strategies of more successful teams. Now, Wales aren’t the best team in the world yet, but with three Grand Slams under their belts in the last eight years – the rugby equivalent of the European Championships – and a semi-final placing in the World Cup last year, things are certainly on the up.

Maybe the England football team, the English press and the England supporters should consider a similar change in direction if they truly want to break out of their mediocrity.

You never know. I might even start to find watching England play football interesting again.